My Disappointment
6th May 2005
I am in danger of being a blog addict. but this propensity to write out my thoughts needs to be indulged for today for i am deeply disappointed with myself.
friends will tell you i'm judgemental. i like to think i'm critical. my constant whinging about the media, articles, people, the neigbour next door, and everything and anything under the sun, could drive anyone crazy. but the thing is, i'm probably most critical about myself. a flaw i'm sure that will drive me crazy one day.
we were discussing domestic violence and sexual abuse in rural towns today during PCL. it was a small group about 6 of us, as the other half was away on rural week. my tutor brought up the topic about the sydney muslim cleric who has been teaching youths that women deserved to be raped because of the way they dress. (if you are actually interested in my ramblings, pls read post The Night Before to bring yourself up to speed) my tutor was trying to assert the point that women will then blame themselves for being raped and will not report it to the police or tell their doctor. a very valid point.
there were 2 muslims in the room. me and another girl. awkward silence befelled us. i could feel the eyes of my other classmates boring through me. i could feel their expectations of us to say something. and i thought, this is it. the perfect time to assert myself as a moderate muslim. the oppurtunity i've been waiting for.
i was dumbfounded when i couldnt find it in myself to say anything. i could feel my heart beating very fast. i felt this overwhelming all consuming need to say it but yet i heard no words. i was looking down at my notes. i couldnt look at anyone. cowardice? shame? avoidance?
the tute went on. 10 mins later my tutor mentioned about some muslim societies where the girl is stoned to death when found guilty of premarital sex. the point he wanted to highlight wasn't the stoning, but the unfair trial that the girl received, where it only took one man to accuse her without much evidence to warrant such punishment. i don't think my tutor was being discriminatory by bringing up these issues but i think he was genuinely perplexed about our religion.
again a longer awkward silence. then a few quiet mutters; "that's terrible", "that's so wrong". i reckon if we were not there, my friends would have been more appropriately outraged.
say something dammit. i raged at myself.
and still we were quiet. the tute went on smoothly after that but i could not concentrate anymore. i was disappointed with myself.
when the students began to leave class later, i turned to my tutor, "andrew, can i just say something. i think that muslim cleric is an idiot. i just wanted you to know that, as a muslim, i don't agree with what he says and in fact most muslims don't. no one deserves to be raped. that's just wrong."
my tutor somewhat surprised, said "oh i understand completely. i mean muslims like christians have different factions like the protestants, catholics etc etc. i understand that just because that cleric says that, not all muslims believe that."
it shocked me that he actually thought that such a belief was a religious teaching of Islam. that the only reason i disagreed with the cleric was because i was from a "different faction of Islam" and not because of the fundamental reason that legitimising rape is simply just wrong, irregardless if i'm muslim, jewish or christian or anything. the oppurtunity to assert myself was lost.
i looked at him and saw that any further argument from me would seem like i was being defensive or i was offended. i did not want to defend that cleric. i wanted to defend my faith. and i failed to do so.
i've always been angered by the passiveness of the moderate muslim community and the media's obsession with the oppression of muslim women. today that anger is directed to me. i did not live up to what was expected of myself.
So rarely, we are in a situation where Westerners can ask us our opinions. If we shut up, their experience of a Muslim would be limited to that.And only that. If we say something, that memory will stay with them forever. And perhaps the next time they encountered another Muslim, they will not be filled with sordid images of Islam by the media, but that of a real interaction with a Muslim. And that Muslim would also benefit from it.
i think i need a break from my turbulent thoughts. this is exhausting.
Comments
i'd be just as disappointed if i were in your position. discussions on religion are always sensitive. it is pretty apparent that your tutor (if he is what you depict him to be from your post) hasn't grasp the true knowledge of basically ANY religion at all, thus, is in no position to come to a conclusion like that. i hope you're still at peace with yourself, though. take care Mun...
Posted by: Farhana May 11, 2005 08:11 AM
hey gerl...wow its been ages since i've seen u or heard from u....thanx for the comment. u take care too gerl!
Posted by: Munirah May 12, 2005 12:53 AM
I'm too late for this discussion, I guess, but I hope that my 2 cents are still valid.
I read the article that you quoted. I disagree with the stance that the cleric assumed.
Muslim fundamentalists claim that men are feral beasts at heart. Their argument is this: simply provoke or tease us with clothes that leave little to the imagination, and the next thing you know, we'll be "standing at attention".
It's quite true. Men are horny bastards, and a great majority of us are. But really, a lot of us are mature men, and we wouldn't go about raping women just for the heck of it. (Oh, we'd be living in a deranged world if that were to happen.)
The probability of men going about raping women, whom we don't know, and just because we find them to be sexually attractive, isn't that high either.
(Statistics have shown that more than 70% of rape-related crimes are committed by those known by the victim personally.)
But anyway, regarding your inability to refute your tutor's statement, don't worry too much about it.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be uncomfortable too. And I wouldn't know whether to stand up for a full-scale rebuttal or shut up. Because you know, it could turn into an argument, which is what we're trying to avoid. Arguments would lead them to think that we Muslims are hostile towards criticism and external opinions, which is not something that we want.
I've met many people here in Melbourne. When they ask me of my faith, and I tell them that I am a Muslim, they'll reply with a raised eyebrow. As if being a Muslim is a really surprising thing. As if I'm wielding an AK-47 with me everywhere.
And they're not interested in an intellectual faith-sharing session either. Well, a lot of them anyway.
Ignorance is the order of the day. That, and they blatantly devour all the crap spewed by the media.
Oh well, you'll get your chance to correct things sometime soon, Munirah ^_^
Posted by: Wan Zafran October 16, 2005 09:46 AM
thanx for your 2 cents. juz a tad bit richer today yey! you're right that's precisely why i didn't continue to argue...and yeap no one's interested in faith sharing either...the facade of being multicultural and tolerant is just an excuse to jump at any chance to prove us barbaric.
Posted by: Munirah October 16, 2005 04:12 PM
I am in danger of being a blog addict. but this propensity to write out my thoughts needs to be indulged for today for i am deeply disappointed with myself.
friends will tell you i'm judgemental. i like to think i'm critical. my constant whinging about the media, articles, people, the neigbour next door, and everything and anything under the sun, could drive anyone crazy. but the thing is, i'm probably most critical about myself. a flaw i'm sure that will drive me crazy one day.
we were discussing domestic violence and sexual abuse in rural towns today during PCL. it was a small group about 6 of us, as the other half was away on rural week. my tutor brought up the topic about the sydney muslim cleric who has been teaching youths that women deserved to be raped because of the way they dress. (if you are actually interested in my ramblings, pls read post The Night Before to bring yourself up to speed) my tutor was trying to assert the point that women will then blame themselves for being raped and will not report it to the police or tell their doctor. a very valid point.
there were 2 muslims in the room. me and another girl. awkward silence befelled us. i could feel the eyes of my other classmates boring through me. i could feel their expectations of us to say something. and i thought, this is it. the perfect time to assert myself as a moderate muslim. the oppurtunity i've been waiting for.
i was dumbfounded when i couldnt find it in myself to say anything. i could feel my heart beating very fast. i felt this overwhelming all consuming need to say it but yet i heard no words. i was looking down at my notes. i couldnt look at anyone. cowardice? shame? avoidance?
the tute went on. 10 mins later my tutor mentioned about some muslim societies where the girl is stoned to death when found guilty of premarital sex. the point he wanted to highlight wasn't the stoning, but the unfair trial that the girl received, where it only took one man to accuse her without much evidence to warrant such punishment. i don't think my tutor was being discriminatory by bringing up these issues but i think he was genuinely perplexed about our religion.
again a longer awkward silence. then a few quiet mutters; "that's terrible", "that's so wrong". i reckon if we were not there, my friends would have been more appropriately outraged.
say something dammit. i raged at myself.
and still we were quiet. the tute went on smoothly after that but i could not concentrate anymore. i was disappointed with myself.
when the students began to leave class later, i turned to my tutor, "andrew, can i just say something. i think that muslim cleric is an idiot. i just wanted you to know that, as a muslim, i don't agree with what he says and in fact most muslims don't. no one deserves to be raped. that's just wrong."
my tutor somewhat surprised, said "oh i understand completely. i mean muslims like christians have different factions like the protestants, catholics etc etc. i understand that just because that cleric says that, not all muslims believe that."
it shocked me that he actually thought that such a belief was a religious teaching of Islam. that the only reason i disagreed with the cleric was because i was from a "different faction of Islam" and not because of the fundamental reason that legitimising rape is simply just wrong, irregardless if i'm muslim, jewish or christian or anything. the oppurtunity to assert myself was lost.
i looked at him and saw that any further argument from me would seem like i was being defensive or i was offended. i did not want to defend that cleric. i wanted to defend my faith. and i failed to do so.
i've always been angered by the passiveness of the moderate muslim community and the media's obsession with the oppression of muslim women. today that anger is directed to me. i did not live up to what was expected of myself.
So rarely, we are in a situation where Westerners can ask us our opinions. If we shut up, their experience of a Muslim would be limited to that.And only that. If we say something, that memory will stay with them forever. And perhaps the next time they encountered another Muslim, they will not be filled with sordid images of Islam by the media, but that of a real interaction with a Muslim. And that Muslim would also benefit from it.
i think i need a break from my turbulent thoughts. this is exhausting.
Comments
i'd be just as disappointed if i were in your position. discussions on religion are always sensitive. it is pretty apparent that your tutor (if he is what you depict him to be from your post) hasn't grasp the true knowledge of basically ANY religion at all, thus, is in no position to come to a conclusion like that. i hope you're still at peace with yourself, though. take care Mun...
Posted by: Farhana May 11, 2005 08:11 AM
hey gerl...wow its been ages since i've seen u or heard from u....thanx for the comment. u take care too gerl!
Posted by: Munirah May 12, 2005 12:53 AM
I'm too late for this discussion, I guess, but I hope that my 2 cents are still valid.
I read the article that you quoted. I disagree with the stance that the cleric assumed.
Muslim fundamentalists claim that men are feral beasts at heart. Their argument is this: simply provoke or tease us with clothes that leave little to the imagination, and the next thing you know, we'll be "standing at attention".
It's quite true. Men are horny bastards, and a great majority of us are. But really, a lot of us are mature men, and we wouldn't go about raping women just for the heck of it. (Oh, we'd be living in a deranged world if that were to happen.)
The probability of men going about raping women, whom we don't know, and just because we find them to be sexually attractive, isn't that high either.
(Statistics have shown that more than 70% of rape-related crimes are committed by those known by the victim personally.)
But anyway, regarding your inability to refute your tutor's statement, don't worry too much about it.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be uncomfortable too. And I wouldn't know whether to stand up for a full-scale rebuttal or shut up. Because you know, it could turn into an argument, which is what we're trying to avoid. Arguments would lead them to think that we Muslims are hostile towards criticism and external opinions, which is not something that we want.
I've met many people here in Melbourne. When they ask me of my faith, and I tell them that I am a Muslim, they'll reply with a raised eyebrow. As if being a Muslim is a really surprising thing. As if I'm wielding an AK-47 with me everywhere.
And they're not interested in an intellectual faith-sharing session either. Well, a lot of them anyway.
Ignorance is the order of the day. That, and they blatantly devour all the crap spewed by the media.
Oh well, you'll get your chance to correct things sometime soon, Munirah ^_^
Posted by: Wan Zafran October 16, 2005 09:46 AM
thanx for your 2 cents. juz a tad bit richer today yey! you're right that's precisely why i didn't continue to argue...and yeap no one's interested in faith sharing either...the facade of being multicultural and tolerant is just an excuse to jump at any chance to prove us barbaric.
Posted by: Munirah October 16, 2005 04:12 PM
Comments