The struggle

Not for a lack of things to write about but rather energy and a need to keep things private. It's so emotionally exhausting, I can barely pick my guitar to sing.

I go from day to day in a whirlwind of emotions and I go to sleep in turmoil. I find the English language insufficient to capture the essence of this emotion. It is too much for mere humans to cope. Larger than life. Larger than us mere humans. It is Godly and it humbles and makes fools of us all. Yet it's happiness so boundless and the mere thought of losing it threatens the peaceful soul so infinitely, that one can only surrender and submit to fate. Far from being overdramatic, I am just overwhelmed with this unique situation that knows no prototype.

I watch the news and flinch in pain. I feel the weight on my shoulders. It burdens me, the lack of logic and humanity. I say it with angst not with judgement. I say it with my hands covering my eyes. The horror, the insensibility so irrational, so very wrong.

No one has to be particularly knowledgable or worldly to see that it fights against every instinct of humanity. And if it does, if it scars, if it heavies the heart in sadness, it must be wrong. Look no further but to the core of the soul; the mind, the greatest gift humans were given that separates us from lowly animals.

Do not blame scripture for our humanly weaknesses. Blame ourselves for not being able to separate our fear from logic, our prejudices from pride and our narrow minds from truth. Be brave to speak out when it wars with the human instinct. When in doubt, seek knowledge but seek it with good will and not ill intentions.

I do not see my point of writing this. I just need to put it down. There's so much that needs to be said. I discover hidden truths in the eyes of another and I look at long held beliefs with renewed faith.

I fear my soul is ageing. It is weary from the unrelenting search for faith in humanity.

Ramadan is near. I look to it with hope. For all our personal struggles and internal wars, I pray that we will all come out the stronger person. Amin.