Ramadan blues

The sound of the azan fills the dining hall. The voice is strong and full of conviction. And like all times when the azan is sung, its meaning rings throughout the hall and renders everyone quiet.

For the first few minutes, the hall is almost silent as everyone takes in their first taste of food. The sweet thick flesh of date fills our mouths as we offically end another day of fasting. Outside, the hues begin to change colour as it has, for thousands of years. The atmosphere is almost sad yet comforting; this ritual that soothes the soul. Only when the azan is finished, the hall fills with chatter and laughter as we then catch up with our friends. It is another Friday Iftar at Monash Uni as over two hundred students gather for break fast.

Everyone has had a different day. Different temptations and different struggles. For some, it would have been easy and others a very trying day. But we get there, young or old, men or women, rich or poor, broken or content.

Mahgrib prayer is my favourite prayer of the day. As the day turns into night, you could almost feel this air of closure spreading through the earth as people gather for prayer. It's the time to reflect and resolve to do better the next day. And when people congregate, the effect is so humbling, it is mind blowing.

Rows and rows of students standing together at the airport lounge where hundreds of university students walk by everyday not knowing that this place so common and simple a ground, becomes a place of spirituality for many every Friday night. No one is different from the other. Colour, wealth, race, culture, station or language ceases to become an entity. And for a while, I feel at peace.

As Eidul Fitri nears, I start to become nostalgic about how Eid used to be at home. I've been away too long. Just hearing a Hari Raya song or the smell of sambal wafting through the air makes me severely homesick. In the morning, after sahur, my family would gather and put rice into the ketupats while my mom tightens the folds. The day would be spent cooking and cleaning the house. In the evening, we visit the cemetery to offer our prayers for our loved ones who are gone but not forgotten. And then we visit the aged homes and orphanages.

I cannot imagine how Eid must be for them. Not having family around for such a special day. I am thankful I still have my family even though they may not be with me to celebrate Eid with me. Come sunset, Eid officially begins and the takbir raya will ring out throughout my house as my family gathers around the table to eat traditional food.

The takbir raya always makes me cry. It encompasses all the emotions, trials and struggles Ramadan brings. It is a sad tune. Because Ramadan is over. Yet it is also full of hope and strength as we start anew. We seek forgiveness from our parents, siblings and friends for all our past wrongdoings. Maaf Zahir dan Batin; I'm sorry physically and spiritually.

This year, part of my family will be away in Mecca on Eid. Eid will be different for everyone this year.

I was incredibly sad last year on Eid. I'm not sure how this year will turn out.

For pictures of the last few weeks (Non's 22nd, iftars and SEF ball), click here.

The world is so corrupted. Where do I go to hide? I just need some peace please. To breathe.