The Big M

So 2006 has passed. Saddam's gone (though some say the real Saddam is still alive) and Haji Akbar came and went. Wars seem to be the norm and peace is something so mystical, it's a myth only present in our sweetest dreams. I'm entering 4th year, alhamdulillah, and quite frankly, not prepared for 2007 yet. I'm still stuck behind, a bit lost in my past and not ready to face the uncertain future.

And of late, one thing has been the talk with friends, cousins and even siblings. The big M word. Marriage. It's inevitable as one matures and grows older that high school crushes and bitchy gossip lose its place as the big M finds its fated corner and sits quite uncomfortably for most, in the back of our minds and during conversations with friends and old biddies who have nothing better to do than to plan our love lives. For some, the spouse to be has to be The One while others are happy to be matchmade by their parents or settle with someone who they can work with, not necessarily head over heels in love with, you jump I jump kind of guy.

Some of our peers have already embarked on this journey, already starting families and are fast on their way to Lala land. I had quite a long conversation with someone who's been in Lala land for a while. She revealed to me her thoughts.

Revelation number one: Romance dies a painful death after marriage.

Sure before marriage, the guy would brave tsunamis for you whilst singing Bon Jovi's 'I'll be there for you' as a proclamation of his undying love. And when he shouts 'when you breathe I want to be the air for you', you swallow it like a goldfish and even breathe along. But once the vows are taken, there's no thrill of the chase, no desire to woo the heart, no torture of being apart; just a wedding ring to prove that the chase is over and ok so erm what's next?

Revelation number two: Children keeps the couple together. Without children, the marriage becomes fragile and empty.

The joy of being together loses its flavour fast. There is joy, but a different kind. It's the joy of spending time with the kids together and making them happy. When the children are happy, you become happy. The husband is important but he takes a backseat (ouch).

Revelation number three: It sounds all very unromantic, but once you have children, you'll understand how having children changes your life and suddenly the marriage isn't just all about you and him. You'll even want to quit your job just to be with them.

I admit children are the hope of the world. I cannot deny, I absolutely adore my niece and nephew; I can't imagine if I had my own kids. I won't go into the whole career versus family debate, I think it's all very hard for women today. Everyone, well mostly everyone, wants the great career/great mother/great wife/great daughter + great househusband combo and I'm sure it exists somewhere in another galaxy on another plane of life. And let's not even bother about the female doctor's Lala land. Its state is too tragic to even mention, I get depressed whenever I think about it.

The fourth revelation involves the marriage bed. And kids somewhere in between. You get the picture. No? Lucky for you, I'm shy about these things so I won't expand.

So here's my take on the big M. Remember that I am still young and quite naive.

I think romance should not die its ill-fated death. Affection for each other should last even to the greying years. ( I can hear cynical laughter. Ssssshhh! Let me paint my picture while I stare dreamily into the horizon.) Parents should chase each other around the house, husbands should buy flowers unexpectedly for their wives and the couple should enjoy being with each other even if there are screaming babies waiting to be fed and cleaned. I can't think of how many married couples I know who still hold hands (or maybe they never did).

Love for each other should blossom with the years, not wilt nor grow stagnant with age.

Children are beautiful. They heal the heart and bring people together. But the joy of bringing them up should not infringe on the simple joy of being together. It should complement the two great loves; love between husband and wife and love between parent and child.

As for the marriage bed part, I shall refrain from commenting, since I have absolutely nothing to offer.

Another revelation that I would rather write when the mood strikes is regarding the fidelity of men and their wandering eye. And polygamy. The former I have seen happened in close circles, society and well everywhere and the latter; let me just say is an exception, not a norm. I think this cannot be discussed fairly without the proper history and knowledge.

Well that's the Big M. What a way to start the new year. This is just the view of one person and my own ramblings.

And what do I know huh?