Disappear

That's when you know you've stopped caring.

I want to be a drop of water and melt away with the sea. And be as beautiful as the waves crashing on the shore. I want to cut every string that ties me to this place, one by one, with each release, I will feel myself leaving this place.

Away from this world that is dirty and ugly and makes me cry under its weight.

I want to go far, far away and be surrounded by sands. Just dry burning sand and sky. No one. Nothing but me. I want to feel the sand between my toes, feel its coarse grains rubbing my soles. I welcome it at first as I realise I am finally feeling something real. Then as the heat seeps through my skin, I want to feel the pain like the sand, when blood seeped through its layers.

I want to be an orphan, nothing to lose and nothing to own to. No one knows me. And more importantly I know no one.

I want to be atop a mountain peak, with strong gushes of wind threatening to topple me. I want my hair to lift and the sun to shine in my eyes. I want to feel its heat as each ebb of energy resonates within me. With every beat of the earth, I feel it's ancient song pulsate in my veins singing to me - "be free be free."

Be free my little child. My poor soul. My poor spirit.

I've lost every reason to believe this world is beautiful. I've lost every faith that there is something better. Everything is fake. Where has the beauty gone to. Let me disappear with it too.