Workaholic no more

First week and counting. I haven't had a decent break since January. This is my 6th rotation now, one after another and I'm close to burning out. Unfortunately it has happened at the worst possible time. Elective at home. I had forgotten what workaholics we are. I am glad to say I want no part of it, if I can. I'm not lazy, far from it. I just don't want to work like they do.

I think I've lost that bit of me that's Singaporean. The ability to slog and slog. Oh yes, those were the days in JC. I still wonder where I had all the energy to study for A'Levels and special papers and still have CCAs. We used to finish late if we had training in the afternoon. Still had time to go to KFC for dinner. And then home, shower and I would do my homework and revise. And we used to come back on Saturdays too. In retrospect, pretty amazing. And God, the amount of time I wasted being a sports captain. Building a float. A float?! All those time spent on CCAs only to be credited a few points. Boo.

Now I barely clock in an 8- 5 day and all I want to do is go home and sleep. I don't even want to watch TV. Maybe I'm anaemic or something. Travelling to bloody hospital is a big pain. I counted 20 MRT stops from my house plus a bus ride packed with other university students.

Why didn't I pick CGH? Actually it never crossed my mind. I must have been half-asleep when I was choosing my rotations. But then again no paeds at CGH.

The students are back next week and I have to join the 4th years. I'm not allowed to be on my own like a final year. I have to follow the 4th year program. Grrr. It will be an eye-opening experience seeing how they learn medicine here. My supervisor confessed to me that sometimes he thinks 'we overteach students here'. I for one, do not mind. I rather sit and listen these days.

Said the house officer (equivalent to intern) to me, "You're lucky you have pre-internship year, no exams. Most of us slogging away for exams in final year. No time to be on the wards. They just throw us into the system and expect us to swim."

She comes to hospital at 7 am and goes home at about 8pm. No pay for overtime. And she's doing Paeds as a house officer. Pretty intense, considering only residents (second year out) get to do paeds in Melb. That's a positive I guess if you want the experience early.

Any hopes of me getting to do procedures on kids have been dashed. Very kiasu here. Not as liberal back in Melb or in Msia. Oh well - can't blame them. The timetable I received said "students are suppose to do one night cover and observe the admitting registrar admit new patients." Observe? Oh dear, no offense, I know most parents here especially with regards to their children will not allow students to touch their kids. But, observe? Just observe? I'm still trying to come to terms with that.

They really do have to learn how to swim fast I guess when they hit housemanship. Swim or sink.

"So what do you recommend?" I asked.

"Don't come back if you can. Maybe come back later when you're a bit more senior," said the house officer with bags under her eyes.

I've made a promise to myself not to complain no matter what next year. Gosh they have it hard here. And I salute them - after all most of them bonded for 5 years.

At least almost everything is computerised here such as ordering pathology tests, imaging and discharge summary and scripts - Singaporean efficiency always impresses me. No paging system here. Everyone carries handphones and messages are sent through the computer system. All referrals online.

Again efficient.

Another thing I noticed was how much we actually study. In the buses and in the trains in the morning; everyone carrying notes and doing their homework. After school in McD, KFC or cafes - students studying together. A sight that I haven't seen for a while. I used to be one of those students. Now I wonder - was that all of my youth gone by - just studying?

While we were waiting in between patients, Prof looks at me and asks whether I went out on weekends in Melb. I thought it was a weird question. He said he had visited overseas S'porean medical students before and he was sorely disappointed to find them studying on weekends.

"They should be out learning about the culture. Live a bit."

I admit I was quite the slogger in the first two years. But slowly and surely, I began to lose a bit of it. I still study but no where near as hard. I had lost it.

I was tired of it. Am still tired.

Interestingly one of the lectures for Grand Round in the weeks to come is "How to inspire our medical students."

I think that says a lot.