Growing up

Unlike most of my close friends, I have yet to graduate. But the time is near and it beckons like a trip to the dentist. I am excited that I am officially in my last week of clinical work as a student but the thought of working life brings an onslaught of serious growing up.

Decisions about the future.

I'm in probably the best and worse time and place to think about these things. Many important things have occurred in the past few weeks, involving much thorough soul searching and questioning about what I really want in life.

I'm undertaking an elective locally, living with the comforts of home, during the month of Ramadan and also coming to terms with certain important people in my life. I have awesome girlfriends who I can still talk to (here and in Melbourne) and my family seems to still be able to surprise me. Everything I see and do now - I ask myself how will that affect me in the future?

I am vague because this isn't the space to spill the intimate things of life. However, I think most of whom who have gone overseas have probably had to enter this transition.

It's hard to explain why it is so difficult. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. But knowing that there are different types of grasses means more thought and validation is needed in making the definitive decision. It is easier when there is only one way. But far less simple when faced with more than one way - each bearing different merits. It's natural to want it all - but we don't always get everything we want. And accepting this means having to grow up and making the decision that one may not necessarily be completely happy about.

As I've heard a few doctors say - there is no right or wrong. It is just right and left.

Growing up is difficult. Having to make decisions when the consequences affect others forces one in a position of trying to please everyone but yourself. And when expectations are clear, the pressure is indecisively paralysing.

Either way seems harder. But neither is easier.

Why do I have to grow up? Can't I just stay a student please?

I almost saw it. Felt it. That moment where maybe it can be possible. But is it too good to be true?