A mountain of sighs

I think I need a coffee.

A little headspace.

Funny how moments take their time. But they do. Moments happen when it should occur. No sooner and no later.

And all of a sudden, it all makes sense. How innocent. It feels almost unreal, like a TV show somewhat. But make-believe must have its basis in sordid reality. That I was so very naive.

Like most things in my life, I come to realization always too late. But any sooner, and it would not have made sense.

I need a drag of coffee, like a cigarrette should make you feel. Blow away all these shadows, greys and sillouhettes like toxic fumes.

I'm typing this while watching Dr Phil's debate about same sex marriages. Add to it why don't you.

My stomach is like a hole boring through me. I'm sick of cooking. Broke from eating out. Sick of charcoal chicken, Nandos and Sarawan. Can one get tired of eating? What a chore it is to sustain oneself.

Work is becoming mundane. I always find it amusing when there is a slight hesitation of step when patients first see me in the pre-admissions clinic. "Oh this is the doctor," they silently say to themselves. Sorry mate, it is, indeed, me. Nothing in my face betrays me but the slight pre-occupation with the drug chart.

I think when it comes down to it - I had absolutely no idea. And knowing more, I still have no idea. I think it stems from ignorance or innocence whichever you like.

And people. Oh people. What do they know what they're talking about? Everything but the truth. Such malicious pride.

But I maintain, to Oprah and Dr Phil and other modern philosophisers - the crux of the matter is found in the heart. And what the heart cannot accept, the mind will be forever lost.