Touchy

Descending the stairs with my team and consultant.

Consultant: So how many burqas do you own?
Me: Err you mean scarves? Too many I think.
Consultant: Oh sorry, it's called a scarf is it?
Me: Emm yeah, a burqa is quite big and often comes with a niqab to cover the face.

Uncomfortable silence. Two seconds that seems like two minutes. I hesitate to offer more. I wasn't up to discussing this topic during a ward round. Touchy perhaps.

Consultant: Yeah I see you have a different colour each time. To match your clothes I presume.
Me: Yes it's quite hard to match three different garments everyday. (I offer him a small smile.)

Awkward silence. Ward round ensues with consultant not really quite being able to meet my eyes.
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About to perform an ascitic tap. Nurse helping me to tie my sterile gown from behind.

Nurse: How should I tie this gown? Wouldn't want to choke you.
Me: Err, just tie the strings together at the top (indicating the ones that tie behind the neck).
Nurse: Is this ok? Is it too tight? Should I go underneath the scarf? I wouldn't want to choke you.
Me: Nope that's fine (debating whether to say I've never had problems before).

My patient who listens to the whole conversation gives me an apologetic look. I had been performing ascitic taps on him regularly for the past eight weeks and he knew as well as I did that a sterile gown had never choked me before. I let it pass and thanked her.

A few years ago these occurrences probably would have offended me a bit. While I still may have the automatic urge to feel defensive, I soon realise that this ignorance stems from complete unfamiliarity and is quite innocent. People often do try their best to be tolerant and understanding - but somehow in their bid to do so, they say some of the darnest things. And I am sure if we ever became friends, we would look back and laugh at how silly we all were.

My consultant - a vague, laid-back young man, who used to teach me when I was a student (he doesn't remember) - I think - was trying to make friendly converstation about things other than medicine. Unfortunately my attire was the first thing that struck his curiosity. I think he was genuinely curious. I just wished that I could have said something to make him less feel less awkward when he realised he didn't actually know what a burqa was. I had not learnt enough light-hearted comebacks for these situations.

The best comeback I have to date was when a friendly colleague asked me whether I felt hot with underneath the scarf and I replied, "Nah, because I'm cool mate." But never quite managing the light-hearted tone that I wanted to achieve. Touchy perhaps.

The nurse who helped me scrub in must have somehow thought that the scarf must feel quite uncomfortable around the neck. I suppose a pin underneath the neck can look a bit stifling to the observer. Again I think she was just trying to be considerate because of her unfamiliarity with the garment. What struck me was that plenty of nurses had helped me before to tie my sterile gown but none before her had ever been concerned about choking me when tying the strings behind the neck.

How different we are. Some just take it in stride; others just need some good old practical experience to adjust.

Interesting article by Michael Leunig in today's newspaper. Click here to read.