Forgive Me

Alhamdulillah this year Ramadhan has been full of hidden blessings and trials. Such a beautiful month has gone by so quickly and I can already feel the spiritual cleansing and calmness often felt in the state of fasting and tarawih slowly ebbing away.

This year Raya will be very different. I will be working night shifts from tomorrow onwards and therefore will be working on Eid including the weekend. I will most certainly miss the morning Eid prayers due to bad traffic on the freeway. Almost everyone I know has gone home for raye and so there will be no jalan-jalan raye this year in our baju kurungs and kebayas. I have comforted myself by cleaning the whole house methodically, tending to my weedy garden and taking pleasure in my tulips that have bloomed despite being neglected throughout winter.

A change of my bedsheets to match pink pillows and valence to signify what we would usually do back home - taking out the more glamourous curtains, bedsheets, carpets and tablecloths to welcome Eidulfitri.

My housemate for personal reasons is not in town. And so Eid will be quiet at my place on Friday, nevertheless tradition must be kept. So I am now cooking rendang and pulut kuning to mark this festive day. The smell of rendang takes me back to memories of the last days before Eid back home and this makes me severely homesick. My limbic system is in overdrive and I dread to play any Hari Raya music lest the sounds of Sudirman starts to make me tear.

But Eid back home is not just about the parading the latest baju kurung/abeya and the good, old rendang and ketupat. Asking for forgiveness from our family members, particularly parents is key. Unique to Malay culture, this involves a 'salam' not indicating the verbal greeting, rather the gesture of taking the elders right hand and taking it towards one's nose as if to kiss their hand whilst asking for forgiveness.

We ask for forgiveness from everyone around us: grandparents, siblings, uncles, aunties, cousins and friends and we say "Maaf Zahir dan Batin" which means "forgive my physical and inner self".

So Selamat Hari Raya Eidulfitri everyone!!

Please accept my sincerest apologies for any transgressions upon you in any way. I hope you can forgive me for my weaknesses and pride. May Eidulfitri this year be one of forgiveness, gratitude for the things and people we often take for granted and remembrance of those who have passed away. I think I might play Sudirman after all.

Love,

Mun