In my skin

The rain finally came after a long stretch of hot summer days. It came pummelling and thundering against the tar and zinc.

I abandoned Lorelai who was proposing to Luke and ran outside.

I was Liz Bennet on top of the world, arms outstretched and face lifted to the heavens.

The cold pellets of rain on my bare skin was harsh yet comforting. I forgot everything and anything that was upside-down, wrong and breaking to pieces. Everything ceased to matter.

I was in the rain.

This was the day I had finally finished. It was not the climax one would expect. A steady stream of patients overnight into the new emergency department kept me distracted from the realization that every minute was reaching its end.

I was no longer awkwardly learning the steps to the dance. It had become instinctive. I had become the dance. I had reached the point where I could see myself what kind of doctor I could really be. I felt a sense of control - that whatever came through the door - whatever it was - crazy or mind-boggling or an utter waste of time - it was going to be ok.

There was even a short-lived moment when I was suturing someone's torn lip that I thought perhaps plastic surgery would be my calling. Who knew that a bloody mess of tissue could look like an actual lip after several well-placed sutures could bring me such satisfaction.

I had become used to the mannerisms of the sick. Difficult cannulas, anxious and overbearing family members, self-righteous nurses, orthopaedic registrars masquerading as doctors and manipulative drug seekers - they didn't scare me anymore. They came, they bounced and they went.

So many golden moments - it all culminated to this. This moment of being. The moment where you respect yourself and be happy with who you are and what you can achieve. The moment when you become comfortable in your own skin. How ironic that it is time to leave.

Beautiful rain, you are such a comfort to me.